I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
