You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My hand turned me down
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize