We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
