There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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