Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
