I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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