There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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