What tipped you off? The sombrero?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ladies don't puke and tell
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
