I wish I could punch you in the face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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