and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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