So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
