We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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