Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
