I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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