i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
