Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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