Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
