Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
