It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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