we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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