I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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