the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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