Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
