I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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