I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize