so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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