Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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