So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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