I bet he comes in French.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
