I wish I could teleport
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
