I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
