I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
