Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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