Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize