also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
