Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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