Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
