Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Randomize
