we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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