you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
