Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
