From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
