Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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