no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
