I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize