She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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