you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
