why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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