k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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