he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
