I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
