I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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