it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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