I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
