I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
