Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize