so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my being single is dangerous.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
