we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
