you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
