Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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