my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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