And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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