Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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