I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
